Thursday, December 23, 2010

PRIVATE PARTY

The fragrance of fresh cilantro and lime fills the kitchen. A gold rimmed plate of beautifully garnished broiled honey glazed cilantro-lime salmon with jasmine rice and asparagus sits on the black granite counter. A wine glass and chilled distilled cucumber water have been placed on the table. She sways and sings along to Sade playing on the Bose system as she sets the table, "...you give me the sweetest taboo, that’s why I’m in love with you...” She is preparing dinner for someone very special so everything must be perfect. The soft flicker of candles lights the room leaving the scent of caramel cheesecake behind its flames. The ambiance has been set. She places the food on the table and smiles. “What a beautiful meal” she says to herself. She folds her hands to pray and bless the food she has prepared. She picks up the fork to take the first bite and smiles. The meal is perfect. Today is a celebration of herself, for herself, by herself. A PRIVATE PARTY.

She has spent most of her life in preparation for this day...the day when she could look in the mirror and appreciate and LOVE what she saw staring back at her. Self love can be the most difficult love to embrace but it is completely necessary in order to look within ourselves and see past our flaws, mistakes, failures and shortcomings to appreciate our strengths, accomplishments, blessings and the things that make us who we are.

SHE IS ME. Like most people I have always been my biggest critic, nothing I have ever done was good enough....for ME. For the greater part of my life I measured success and happiness against the ideas and lives of others. Based on THEM I always thought I could do more, know more, work harder, be smarter, have more money, be happier, prettier, thinner, more toned, live like the “Real Housewives” of whatever city....because obviously I felt that being Dawn Dickson was not good enough. I didn’t love who I was and my career, health and relationships with others were suffering because of it. The negativity I felt towards myself was radiating from my body and the energy I was putting out was attracting even more negativity. I was miserable.

I dug deep to identify the root of my dissatisfaction with myself and my inability to accept me for who I am. If I can’t love myself then how can I love anyone else? If I am unhappy inside how can I be positive? I had to teach myself how to love others through acts of love towards myself. I began to spend more time with myself, thinking, reading, meditating, practicing yoga, hosting private parties for myself...all to help me learn to love myself unconditionally. So far it has been an amazing journey...I am still on the path and I have a lot more growing to do but each day I celebrate the woman I am...and for first time in my life I love her and I believe she is good enough.

I’m having a private party...learning how to love me...celebrating the woman I’ve become” – India.Arie


5 Comments:

Blogger Damon said...

TsiOther than leaving out the word 'for'...(the sentence just after Sade reference) I consider the piece to be insightful and somewhat refreshing.

2:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its great to share our journeys...Its therapeutic and it may help someone else through their personal challenges. Thanks for sharing. Can't wait to read more!:)

8:15 AM  
Blogger Malika said...

Every woman can relate to this. I must admit that this piece has inspired me to have my own private party! thank you for sharing this.

9:11 PM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

We all need a "private party" from time to time. I am still on my journey as well. Great post Dawn!

12:51 PM  
Blogger Naturally Poetic...Again said...

This was a great piece Dawn!!!

3:21 AM  

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