DICK PICS = NO BUENO

In the middle of my day I received a text from a man that was interested in 'dating' me. When I see that it's media mail I quickly open it..and to my surprise it is a photo of his naked penis. I experienced a range of emotions...first shocked to see a penis on my phone, then I was amused at the arrogance of him to think I wanted to see his penis, then I was offended like 'what kind of girl does he think I am?!?!'

It wasnt the first time I have received a picture of a penis, but in the past the penis was familiar to me...it was mine. However in this case the picture was totally unsolicited and the penis was unfamiliar. I wasnt sure what type of message he was trying to send to me with that photo. I am sure at the moment he pressed 'send', in his arrogance he thought to himself, "I have the biggest, thickest, best, prettiest dick in the world and if only Dawn saw it maybe she would want to jump on it"...but did he stop to consider that maybe, just maybe...Ive seen better? What if I wasn't as impressed with his manhood as he is. Then what?? It could totally ruin his chances of accomplishing his goal of having sex with me. What if I showed the picture to my girlfriends to compare...see what they think about it...I mean why not, its not mine so I dont mind letting people see it. Besides, I figure if he sent me a picture of it so freely then his 'jimmy' is definitely in several other memory cards. I'm an old fashioned girl...I like to leave things to the imagination. I don't want to know your penis size until (unless) we are about to have sex for the first time. The excitement of learning how nice his package is compares to opening presents on Christmas morning. Unsolicited penis pictures ruin the surprise for me and I am no longer curious about you, as a matter of fact, I'm instantly over you. Don't get me wrong...if I decide to make it mine I love getting a surprise picture every now and then to remind me of what I have coming to me. But I am a lady and I want to be treated as such...your penis does not impress me and your arrogance and nerve is unacceptable. Bottom line is this: Unsolicited pictures of your penis are NEVER a good idea. Keep the snake in your pants and off of my BBM.

MEGAMIND AND OTHER ASSHOLES

I have been kidnapped by Megamind. This evening I took my daughter to see the movie Megamind...a cartoon about a superhuman who resorted to being a villain after several failed attempts at being a hero. As with all stories there is a girl...a girl that everyone is fighting to win over...and everyone, even the bad guy, knows that the girl will chose the 'good guy' in the end. Although Megamind was the 'bad guy' he still wanted the girl so he figured if he disguised himself as a 'good guy' he could win her over (sound familiar?)...Megamind had a device that allowed him to change his appearance to "Bernard" (the nice guy) when he was with her and return to being himself when he was not with her. When asked 'what if she finds out who you really are?' Megamind replied 'That's what lies are for.."


That line immediately made me think about my most recent dating experience with a 'Megamind'...I have defined them as men who create an entire fictional character to get close to me and win my affection. In the movie Megamind turned evil because he was teased as a child and he was made to feel like he wasn't good so he figured if he was 'bad' like they say he may as well be the BEST at being bad. Megaminds are weak, selfish, insecure people who instead of facing their own issues hide behind a fictional character to make themselves feel better, and even convince themselves they ARE that other person until they no longer can fight it and their insecurities must be addressed.

My last Megamind was fat as a child, he was awkward, he had big feet, he was teased, he was goofy, he didn't get the pretty girls in school...but he was a 'nice guy' and he used that angle to get close to me. He was full of compliments and he was understanding, caring, thoughtful, attentive....everything I needed at that time in my life. I definitely had no interest in him initially. He certainly want not my type or what I was looking for. He plotted on me, patiently with intent to conquer. He said "I am going to make you love me" and in time he did. He told all the lies he could think of and he said every great thing he thought that a woman like me wanted to hear. And I believed it all. Because I didn't think he, the chubby, goofy, 'sweet' guy was capably of doing anything malicious or deceitful. I mean he was 'Bernard' the 'nice guy'...he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. He had my full trust and my complete interest. After a few months I started to notice that he was transforming...becoming more 'confident' and 'secure'. I was happy at first...for him and for me...because his happiness was important to me. I liked to see him feel good about himself, I did everything I could to encourage him and assure him of how smart, talented, wonderful and sexy he was...I did not realize I was creating a monster. I think the attention I gave him did him more harm than good. I was out of his league and he knew it but the fact that he had me made him feel invincible, he gained confidence with women that he never had before. Then he changed, got comfortable and his lies started to expose themselves. He was not who he pretended to be and he didn't care enough to keep the charade going any longer... he won, he beat out all of the other guys for the girl...the 'bad guy' won.

I try not to take it personal and think about what exactly is causing these Megaminds to feel that who they really are isn't good enough. They create this character not only for my benefit...but for their own as well because they get a chance to be what they wish they were and get the girl they could never get being themselves. They are selfish people...these Megaminds...and they always end up getting exposed. But life isn't a movie, especially not a cartoon and the 'bad guy' doesn't turn into the 'good guy' at the end. He stays the bad guy and the girl is left hurt and wondering how she didn't see it was an act all along......